Five hurried hang ups later...

So a month after I went to the university medical centre I thought I should probably chase up this whole referral thing with Spire Hospital. After five attempts I finally left a voicemail with Mr. Philpott's secretary. I dislike voicemails because I find it very easy to ramble on without anyone to interrupt me. Much like this blog I suppose. Anyway, she returned my phone call about an hour later with the news that yes, they have got my referral.

But no, I won't be getting an appointment anytime soon as they've got a very long waiting list and they like to priorities the patients that they know they can treat. With my unidentified cause of anosmia, I don't fit into this category.

I got a little bit upset about this, which seems ridiculous I know. I was always aware that I was never going to definitely be able to get an appointment. I think it's just that I managed to get so close and was so elatedly happy that I can't help but feel a little disappointed now. I suppose life just goes on for me as normal and I just need to come to terms with the fact that this is normal for me.

Sometimes I wish anosmia was something that was visibly wrong with a person. Perhaps then people would take it more seriously and appreciate how awful life is without a sense of smell. Since starting this blog I have been overwhelmed with sympathy and encouragement from my friends I do really appreciate that, but it to reach a wider audience. I mean, even the doctors draw a blank stare when I tell them.

I accept that there are going to be some things that I am never going to be able to smell; bread baking, the flowers at my wedding, frying bacon, a boyfriend's shirt... And I guess that's okay.

 Maybe one day I'll get my appointment and who knows where the medical world will be in ten years time? 

The Phantom Menace

The only reason I know that I used to be able to smell. I still have no idea when I actually lost it; I can only try to pinpoint from the things I remember smelling. The last distinct clear smell that I have was one of gone off cheese and onion sandwiches from a classroom in my first year at secondary school... so when I was about 11 years old.

 Phantosmia is is a form of olfactory hallucination. A condition where your brain realises that it should be able to smell something and so produces a corresponding memory to compensate for not actually being able to smell anything at that time; the perception of a smell in the absence of any actual physical odours. Phantosmia is not something you do consciously and it can be the smallest, weirdest thing that can cause it to occur. Sadly, it does not happen all the time so there is no way that it can be used as compensation for not being able to smell new things. It can also effect anosmics in lots of other ways; many complain of only ever smelling foul or disgusting odours.

I still haven't heard anything from Spire Hospital about my referral, but I'm expecting to get a letter in the post this week. If I don't then I will chase them up at the beginning of the week. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that they won't be able to do anything to treat it, seeing as though the cause of my anosmia is a complete mystery. But it would still be nice to be told that from someone who actually knows what they're talking about.

I was walking onto campus the other day and I saw sparks from someone's garden; they were having a bonfire. I know that bonfires have a very distinct smell of smoke and burning, but I literally had no idea that anything was on fire until I saw it. This kind of scared me a little bit as I've never been confronted with a large fire since being diagnosed as anosmic. It hammered home the point that if there's a fire in the house, the first thing that will wake you up is the smell of smoke. I won't have any idea until the flames are literally at my door and it's too late. When I have a house of my own I am literally covering the place in smoke detectors.