It's kind of weird how since being told that all my improvements in smelling were purely psychological, they've stopped. My life has completely reverted back to what it was before the surgery, only now I've just sort of stopped trying to worry about it. I don't want to say that I've given up, but probably more just that I'm pausing. I've given it one shot at trying to sort it out and that didn't work, so maybe now it's time to just rest a while with the knowledge that I am still completely anosmic. It was pretty emotionally draining and I don't really feel like going through it all again. Especially with Christmas coming up.
I was so looking forward to the possibility of being able to smell Christmas this year. I know it's still only November and too early to be thinking about that time of year but tough. As far as I'm concerned, Christmas is the only good thing about winter. The rest of it is cold and dark and miserable. I know there are much more important aspects to care about, but it's just one of those things that I was really looking forward to. But I suppose really I was just silly for getting my hopes up.
Mr Philpott is seeing me again in February to see if there continues to be little improvement after surgery. You never know, it could just be that it's a really slow recovery process! Which would be pretty weird, actually. Maybe I'll be learning to smell without actually realising it? Although having said that I've been surrounded by paint and wood stainer all weekend and haven't had a single whiff so maybe not. I must remember to keep up with my smell training, but I have to admit that I have lost heart somewhat.
On a much more positive note, the responses that I've had for my young people's anosmia project have been amazing. I've sent an email with all of them in earlier this weekend, so hopefully I'll get a reply soon with an update of when they'll be available on the Fifth Sense website. There have been so many messages telling you not to worry, to learn to embrace the weirdness and realise that you have something special and unique about you. I think sometimes I lose sight of that because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself and thinking of anosmia only as a disability. But I suppose also it's a part of my identity, and there is a community that goes with that too. I just wish it was more easily accessible, that I had friends that I could turn to and talk about it too whenever I needed to. But I suppose really, that's actually what I'm trying to create. I really hope it works.
I was so looking forward to the possibility of being able to smell Christmas this year. I know it's still only November and too early to be thinking about that time of year but tough. As far as I'm concerned, Christmas is the only good thing about winter. The rest of it is cold and dark and miserable. I know there are much more important aspects to care about, but it's just one of those things that I was really looking forward to. But I suppose really I was just silly for getting my hopes up.
Mr Philpott is seeing me again in February to see if there continues to be little improvement after surgery. You never know, it could just be that it's a really slow recovery process! Which would be pretty weird, actually. Maybe I'll be learning to smell without actually realising it? Although having said that I've been surrounded by paint and wood stainer all weekend and haven't had a single whiff so maybe not. I must remember to keep up with my smell training, but I have to admit that I have lost heart somewhat.
On a much more positive note, the responses that I've had for my young people's anosmia project have been amazing. I've sent an email with all of them in earlier this weekend, so hopefully I'll get a reply soon with an update of when they'll be available on the Fifth Sense website. There have been so many messages telling you not to worry, to learn to embrace the weirdness and realise that you have something special and unique about you. I think sometimes I lose sight of that because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself and thinking of anosmia only as a disability. But I suppose also it's a part of my identity, and there is a community that goes with that too. I just wish it was more easily accessible, that I had friends that I could turn to and talk about it too whenever I needed to. But I suppose really, that's actually what I'm trying to create. I really hope it works.
