Smelling Drama

So it's now been over a year since I got the news that my surgery had been unsuccessful and that was it; I was never going to able to smell again. I remember this because that was also the day before I decided that I was going to get my nose pierced (it might as well serve some decorative function on my face it wasn't going to prove a useful one). I'm now at drama school and my nose piercing has healed up as I've had to removed it for classes; yet my anosmia seems to be more present than ever as a lot of our training concentrates on the senses. "You must breathe in the flowers" to give you the impulse to do your vocal warm up, "you should remember a smell that means something to you" to form an emotional connected, "you need to know what the room smells like" to really connect with it.

On one hand, I'm really angry about this. And I HATE that I am; but no one else can be for me. This time last year I was SO excited that I was finally going to be able smell Christmas: the tree, the food, the mulled wine... Maybe that's why the visual/audio elements of Christmas means so much to me? Going to see the lights in London and the window displays, the John Lewis advert, the music and our always wonderfully mismatched and overloaded tree at home.

It has recently been suggested that I have developed a social anxiety issue because of my lack of a sense of smell (which is not surprising as 80% of anosmics also suffer from depression). I am needy and require constant validation of affection because I cannot form connections on a subconscious level due to a lack of being to smell pheromones or remember or know people apart from what they look or sound like. And I'm trying so hard, but I still feel so alone and so isolated. Everyone here is so lovely and they remember it so well, but I really don't want them to feel like it's an issue and they can't mention smells around me. But also, no, I really cannot smell how awful your fridge is, and it's not 'weird' or 'strange'. Please don't feel sorry for me, please get angry for me. Get angry that you maybe didn't know that anosmia existed, or that you knew how much of an issue it really is for people... I'm sorry, I know it's a really weird in-between place. 

It may well be because I'm no longer in Norwich and stand no chance of ever getting another smell test again with Mr Philpott. I don't even get to hope anymore that I'm going to get it fixed. 

On the other hand, I just really wanted to be able to smell Christmas.

The Great British Scent Off

I am a HUGE fan of The Great British Bake Off. I seriously don't think I could ever possibly love a show more than I do this one. For those of my readers who live outside the UK, it's a competitive baking programme, set in a tent in the countryside with lots of pastel colours and bunting and we all take it very seriously as a nation. So seriously in fact, that when it looked like one of the contestants Baked Alaska pudding was sabotaged by someone else taking it out the freezer, there was a national outcry. Twitter went crazy, hashtags were trending demanding justice for the bloke who had been sent home because he threw his melted creation in the bin because he didn't want to bring it before the judges in its puddled state.

(I have an anosmic point I swear)

Then it turned out that the woman whom we had all seen take his creation out of the freezer to make room for her own, had dropped out of the show due to illness. So that was what justice felt like! This WI witch had got all that she deserved was the popular opinion, and did this mean that we could bring the poor other bloke back? I'm not going to lie, I had a small moment of glee, but we all love the underdog, don't we? Then I discovered what her illness actually was. She'd fallen over in a restaurant and hit her head and lost her sense of taste and smell. 

(I told you)

Now, as upset as I was about Baked Alaska-gate, I would never wish anosmia upon anyone ever. Especially someone whose love of baking was enough to get them onto a televised national competition. To then not be able to smell or taste your creations, must be absolute devastating. For my part, I became anosmic when I was far too young to be able to operate an oven and I've grown up with it. But to have been able to smell and taste perfectly fine all of your life, and then to have it taken away from you in some out of the blue accident... I cannot even begin to imagine. However, I also saw that there was some upside to this scenario. The Great British Bake Off is broadcast on prime time television, on the BBC. Surely they would have to announce why a contestant had suddenly left and what had happened to her and how awful it was and what it was called and it would raise awareness what an impact anosmia has one people? Surely?

No.

I was furious. They simply said it was due to illness, and on the spin off show a few days later where the poor woman was invited for an interview, again, nothing. I had sent emails and tweets to the programme, the producers, the BBC, asking them - no begging them - to mention anosmia and how awful it was and they just... nothing. If she had gone blind or deaf or been horribly burnt, then it would have made the headlines, it would have made national news and people would be talking about it all over the country. But if you lose your sense of smell, you get a small article written about you on their website and it's not even spoken about to your face. And the poor dear looked terrified, you could obviously tell that something awful had happened to her.  This is a horrific case and point about how bad the awareness of this disability is and it just makes me so angry.

If anyone is interested, here is the article: http://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2014/aug/28/diana-beard-quit-bake-off-smell-taste