Home alone

For the first time in my life, I have been left alone and in charge of an actual proper house for two weeks. I like to think that being a responsible 'grown up' isn't something that I'm new too, having lived away from my parents for most of four years, but I've generally lived with people. Being by myself really doesn't bother me, and I've actually quite enjoyed the freedom of having my own place; it's reassuring to know that I could manage my own flat in London somewhere in the not so distant future. However, it has made me more aware than usual of my anosmia. I think living alone when you don't have a sense of smell is actually pretty terrifying, especially when you've grown up with it like have, as you have no idea what stuff is supposed to smell like to know if it's okay. Normally, I would ask my housemates to smell food that was out of date (just to make sure), or I rely on their reactions if anything around the house smells bad. I've also been doing a lot of physical exercise every day (as I'm doing a stage combat course) which has meant a definite increase in showers and washing clothes, just in case. I'm suddenly very paranoid about the fact that we have a gas cooker, especially as the other day I tried to light it and nothing visible happened (it turned out that actually we'd run out of gas money, but nevermind).

A lot of things seem might seem fairly trivial to the working noses out there, and I'm sure they are to a lot of people. However, these are things that I'm constantly having to be aware of and will always have to be for the rest of my life. Which is a bit rubbish, really. I'd quite like to be able to relax when I'm cooking or opening my fridge door; or to be able to smell the flowers I bought for my little student room to cheer it up a bit. I don't mean to moan, and I'm desperately trying not to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm not. I've resigned myself to it now. As ever, I just want to raise awareness and understanding for what life is like for someone like me.

Whilst you're here, I'd also like to direct your attention in the direction of Olfaction Collective. They are aiming to use art to create awareness of anosmia, by collaborating with artists and sufferers alike, and try to make it much less of an invisible disability. A few weeks ago I met a brilliant young woman who is a design student at Central St Martins, who is doing her final piece on anosmia. She sent me a questionnaire to fill out about what my life is like with anosmia and how I would describe it, as well as some more creative tasks, that were very therapeutic to complete. I'm very excited to see the final piece and hope that it has some impact on our cause!

All I want for Christmas is to not poison everyone

I'm a member of various groups on Facebook that I suppose act as a sort of support network for anosmics worldwide and for the past few weeks they have been full of messages of fear and sadness. You'd be amazed at the amount of people that can't smell that worry about poisoning all of their family and friends with their Christmas dinner. It's not as silly as it sounds, really. Anosmics can't smell when food is burning or if it's gone off and quite often our sense of taste is impaired as well, so we can't try the food before we serve it to our loved ones. Similarly, many can't then taste the result of having spent the majority of the day slaving over a hot stove (hopefully an electric one to minimise the risk of an undetectable gas leak).

What about that idyllic image of sitting in front of an open fireplace, whilst the weather outside is frightful? What's more frightening to an anosmic is the possibility that the fire hasn't completely gone out by the time they go to bed, the smoke detector might be faulty and due to being unable to smell everything burning, they don't realise until the house has gone up in flames.

By the way, I don't want to boast, but not only can I not smell Christmas trees, but I also can't touch them because I'm allergic. My life is terrible.

Don't get me wrong though, I love Christmas and I'm sure many other anosmics do too. Not being able to smell it doesn't take away from the main joys of opening presents, being with your family and it being acceptable to start drinking alcohol at ten in the morning. However, it does also make it quite a stressful time for a variety of reasons. I know that there are obviously much worse people off during this period, I just wanted to write about some of the stuff that affects me and hundreds like me that other people may not have thought about.

Although, just because I might not be able to taste Christmas dinner fully still does not mean I will eat brussel sprouts.