Annual update

I've been running this blog for just over a year now and although it maybe hasn't made any lasting impact on anyone's life, it certainly has helped. I know that is has made a difference to some people's understanding of anosmia and it's given me a constructive way to share my frustrations. A lot has happened in the past year with regards to my own knowledge of this disability as well as how it effects other people.I know that perhaps it hasn't been the most successful year for me in terms of any medical improvement but I definitely do feel that a lot of emotional progress has been made. This time last year I didn't even know the cause of my anosmia, let alone if anything could be done to try and fix it. Now I know why and have had one attempt to bring my sense of smell back. Although it was unsuccessful, I think it's important to definitely see it as a step in the right direction and a very progressive year. I'm beginning to fully understand the impact that it's had on my life up until this point and how it's going to affect things in the future, but also I think I'm beginning to make my peace with it. Of course it has it's days where you forget about it almost entirely and then it has it's days where it's the most frustrating and upsetting thing in the world. But I think that it's okay for me to be sad about the fact that I can't smell and to get annoyed when other people take it for granted; so long as it's not all the time. After all, it's a natural reaction when something doesn't work right, especially when it's your own body.

I have another appointment with Mr Philpott in three weeks for a third round of smell testing, just to make sure that the surgery isn't simply taking it's time to make any difference. I've been trying to do my smell training daily, however it's becoming increasingly frustrating. I cannot tell the difference between any of the essential oils I'm using, which range from peppermint to magnolia. Sometimes I can tell if there is a smell apparent, but I've realised that this is only when I'm focusing entirely on what I'm doing. The times when I've done the smell training in front of the television, I haven't even noticed when I've got the bottle right under my nose. It seems to be coming more and more obvious just how much of it is psychological.

I am also sad to say that Duncan Boak, who runs Fifth Sense, has withdrawn his support from a young person's support page with his organisation. He explained that he had a lot of other concerns at the moment, such as gaining charity status and that at the moment this project of mine was not a priority. Obviously this isn't ideal, but it's important to remember that I never actually set out to be a part of Fifth Sense. There is still no reason why I cannot create this support network off my own back and then link in with Duncan in the future. It is something that is very important to me and I know that I have the time and dedication to make it successful. I am aware of the issues that will arise but I believe that with some patience and support from friends and family, we can make it happen. This blog gets around 200 unique hits at the moment so that's a good start!

November blues

It's kind of weird how since being told that all my improvements in smelling were purely psychological, they've stopped. My life has completely reverted back to what it was before the surgery, only now I've just sort of stopped trying to worry about it. I don't want to say that I've given up, but probably more just that I'm pausing. I've given it one shot at trying to sort it out and that didn't work, so maybe now it's time to just rest a while with the knowledge that I am still completely anosmic. It was pretty emotionally draining and I don't really feel like going through it all again. Especially with Christmas coming up.

I was so looking forward to the possibility of being able to smell Christmas this year. I know it's still only November and too early to be thinking about that time of year but tough. As far as I'm concerned, Christmas is the only good thing about winter. The rest of it is cold and dark and miserable. I know there are much more important aspects to care about, but it's just one of those things that I was really looking forward to. But I suppose really I was just silly for getting my hopes up.

Mr Philpott is seeing me again in February to see if there continues to be little improvement after surgery. You never know, it could just be that it's a really slow recovery process! Which would be pretty weird, actually. Maybe I'll be learning to smell without actually realising it? Although having said that I've been surrounded by paint and wood stainer all weekend and haven't had a single whiff so maybe not. I must remember to keep up with my smell training, but I have to admit that I have lost heart somewhat.

On a much more positive note, the responses that I've had for my young people's anosmia project have been amazing. I've sent an email with all of them in earlier this weekend, so hopefully I'll get a reply soon with an update of when they'll be available on the Fifth Sense website. There have been so many messages telling you not to worry, to learn to embrace the weirdness and realise that you have something special and unique about you. I think sometimes I lose sight of that because I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself and thinking of anosmia only as a disability. But I suppose also it's a part of my identity, and there is a community that goes with that too. I just wish it was more easily accessible, that I had friends that I could turn to and talk about it too whenever I needed to. But I suppose really, that's actually what I'm trying to create. I really hope it works.

FIFTH SENSE / UNDER 25 AND ANOSMIC

This one's kind of a big deal, so I wanted to give it a post all to itself. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, there is a website called Fifth Sense (link here), which is a site dedicated to anosmia and anosmic support.

The one thing that I always felt was missing from it, was advice aimed specifically at young people. Even on the anosmia page on Facebook, the youngest person I have ever come across, apart from myself, was 34. This may not seem like much of a big deal, but the concerns that are shared are those to do with burning down their house, or what their spouse thinks of them, or their children. These are issues that are way above the head of someone under the age of 25 who is also suffering from anosmia. They are having to deal with the constant teasing from their friends, who cannot take it seriously or understand what a big deal it is. In a time where all you want to do is fit in, you are already feeling so completely isolated from the world around you that it just makes it really, really tough.

So I decided that I was going to change this, and I was going to create a support network for anosmics under the age of 25. I emailed Duncan Boak, the man that runs Fifth Sense for advise and after some discussion, he offered me a subsection of the Fifth Sense website itself to do this. This is better than I ever could have hoped for, especially as Fifth Sense itself is continuing to grow and aiming to become an internationally recognised charity, the groundwork has already been done for me. I am spearheading an international support group for young anosmics.

I have been posting on Facebook, on twitter, on tumblr... anywhere I can think of to ask young people with anosmia to come forward and tell me their stories and any advice they wish they had been given, or that they feel that they could give to other young anosmics. I have already had so many replies from all over the world, and it is incredible. We are not alone. There are people out there who are going through exactly the same thing as each other and I want them to know that, to know that they have the support of so many others just like themselves.

So please. If you, or anyone you know is under 25 and ansomic please get them to message me so I can include their stories on the Fifth Sense website where it can help so many others.